This is not a secret. I LOVE my ponytail. I always have.
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It’s like my secret powers come out when my hair is off my shoulders. The little frizzy animal that lives on my head knows who’s boss when I reach for the elastic on my wrist.
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Erin and I dancing in our ponytails after the Black and Gold Run.
First thing in the morning, as I wash my face, I need a ponytail. Last thing at night, as I brush my teeth, it’ back. I sleep with my hair wild and free though.
Before I eat a messy meal, hair goes up. Is that embarrassing? Yeah, totally.
My work days generally start with my hair down, by the end of the day it’s almost always back up where it belongs. I really have no patience for those sorts of things. By “those sorts of things” I mean hair in my face.
I also shed like a golden retriever. There always seems to be hair on my sweaters, in my car, on my office chair, on my bathroom floor, on my pillows, in my shower, everywhere. It falls out in clumps. Gross.
If my hair is up, it’s not falling out all over the place leaving tiny traces of my DNA all over potential crime scenes. Those hairs could lead to me being a prime suspect in a murder case of a famous person. That would for sure spoil my reputation forever.
Have you ever seen the Lifetime movie based on William and Kate, strategically called “William and Kate“? Well there is a particularly disturbing scene towards the beginning where Kate, the athletic girl next door, goes for a run with a friend. I buy that. She’s a trim lady, she’s clearly doing something for her fitness. Why not running?
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Bey showing off the power pony.
What really bothers me about that scene is that she is running with her hair down. Looking beautiful, not sweating or huffing and puffing. Uhhhh, who runs without a ponytail, really?
I can’t do a stretch without ponying up. I know “pony up” means something else but roll with me here. A run? An entire Pilates class? With hair up in my grill? Not me.
My dad’s to blame on this one. He has always been my soccer coach and his rule was if you showed up to a practice or game without a ponytail in, he would put one in for you. It was not pretty. Being the coach’s daughter, I knew better.
If a bad person was chasing me down the street to beat me up and steal my lunch money, I would stop. Calmly put in my ponytail and then speed away before he/she knew what happened.
When I get my haircut, I always make it extra clear that I would like to go short, but not past ponytail length. Then the lady at Great Clips usually tells me, that’s not very short. Whatever you say, just don’t rob me of my powers.
I’ve made it clear I think ponytails play a special role in relationships.
